Who I Really Am
by 570l3Nxh34r7
Summary: A oneshot regarding PAnsy and her selfimage. Fat Cow? She thinks Not!


**This is one of my newer poem fics… I wanted to try out the viewpoint of Pansy not being so stupid, being that everyone thinks that she's a thick cow. This is basically a quick blurb about how she feels about her image. The poem that this fic is centered upon is written by me. xD hope you like it.. I'm just trying this out… CONSTRUCTIVE criticism and some tips and stuff would be great… and if you're bored, why not go look at my other fics? Death To the Darkness, a romance/angst poemfic based on THE HIGHWAYMAN by Alfrey Noyes, DM/GW. Everlasting Rain, another angst/ romance fic, DM/HG****．　****dude all my stories somehow got deleted so I'll try to post them back up asap. **

**Also, the poem that goes with this story is on deviantart (go to my homepage, scroll to the bottom, and click the deviantart link. Sorry for the inconvenience all. **

**And hopefully I'll be able to get over my writers block on Everlasting Rain and start updating on that again.**

**I'll be back soon. I was just being busy with school and crap.**

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**What She Really Is**

I don't get it. Why does everyone think I'm so stupid? I've never gotten any questions wrong. It's because of my stupid image. It's not my fault that I'm an renowned "expert whore." I don't throw myself at people on purpose… I do it because I know that that's the only way I'll ever get anywhere. At least, that's what my parents said. They don't understand me. They think that once I'm married off, I'll be a wallflower. I'll be the decoration, the little boost in my husband's standing. They've chosen Draco Malfoy for me. That bastard is thicker than a concussed troll. He probably is one, too. I loathe the fact I have to feign this sick attraction towards him. But it's all for my parents. I do it because I want them to be proud of me. And, if I have to be Draco Malfoy's stupid yet beautiful wallflower, then so be it.

And I hate these implants. Why I agreed to get them in the first place is totally beyond me. I just lost my common sense for the moment. They were all like, "A wallflower should be beautiful. A wife's only purpose is to give her husband pleasure." They insisted, so I agreed. I let them dye my hair this ugly platinum blonde, I let them get me implants, but I refused to get liposuction.

"But you'll be fat!" they whined. "a Malfoy's wife can't be fat! He won't accept you if you're fat."

Well SCREW HIM. I don't want him. I want to be left alone. Me, and my diary, maybe some guy who actually understands what I'm talking about. Malfoy only thinks I speak gibberish because most of the words I use are far too complex for his simpleton mind. The only thing he understands is himself. Malfoy this, Malfoy that, GOD I'm sick of MALFOY. But I can't go against them. Not my parents. If they set me up with Draco, I'm forced to accept it. Yea. Like I'd oppose some random Death Eaters who just happened to be my birth parents.

And speaking about the Death Eater thing, I really wish I didn't have to go through with being one. I really despise Lord Voldemort and all this dictatorship of purebloods that he's advocating. I mean, what's wrong with a few muggleborns? At least they aren't as stupid as the "purebloods." I mean, I'd rather like Hermione Granger's companionship than Malfoys. At least that girl knows what an oxymoron is. Wheras Malfoy thinks its' an extremely idiotic person. If so, then you, Malfoy, are an oxymoron indeed.

Why does everyone think I'm stupid? Is it just because I'm a slytherin and I throw myself at every guy possible? That's just to get away from Draco. I'm forced to be with him all day long. I need my space. He's always there. Pansy this, pansy that. GO and blow yourself for once! Goddammit. He needs to learn how to do things on his own.

And I'm not stupid. I speak in words that are more than four letters long. I understand lessons, I get good grades. Its because of this stupid image. People are forced to think I'm a thick cow just because I don't speak up in class unless I'm insulting someone, and I refuse to let people dictate how I look. My parents enjoy the fact that I am humiliated. They say that wives should learn humiliation and disappointment, because that's all they'll get out of life. Where's the happiness? The joy?

I think my parents hate me. Over the summer, they send me to many different places, like France, but mostly Malfoy Manor, because they want to get rid of me. I'm not complaining. I don't exactly enjoy conversations filled with, "Honey, you need to get out of the house. We can't do anything while you're around." And "We're so proud of the good slut you've become." I'm dying to scream out, I DON'T WANT TO BE A SLUT. I'VE BEEN BOXED UP, CHAINED, I CANT BREATHE. WHAT ABOUT WHAT I WANT? But of course, they wouldn't listen.   
Its not that I'm dissatisfied, because I'm not. I quite enjoy my life. But I wish my life was destined to be a bit more fruitful. I don't mind obeying my parents. I don't mind living in a world of lies. In fact, I'm pretty optimistic about my future. Being a rich bitch is quite compromising. However, what a waste of brains and talent! I think it's quite a pity I'm in Slytherin, really. I could have been the top of my class. I could have gone somewhere.

If only I wasn't a Parkinson. If only I wasn't doomed to be a wallflower with a dark mark. If only, if only.

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**Ok, I hope you liked that. It was kind of random, but I do like the poem. xD well, remember to **

**REVIEW!**

**REVIEW!**

**Oh and remember, I won't be updating on this because this is a one shot. Replies to reviews of this will be posted along with the next chapter of either Death to the Darkness or Everlasting Rain. Further incentives to read those! Yay! **

**x3, FalL3n Ang3L**


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